The last, wrong step
by Lakritzwolf
Summary: The last step was the one he should not have taken. Now all that is left to him are painful memories. Griefstricken, Legolas contemplates the past and what he has destroyed with one wrong action.


Disclaimer: I don't own nothing, not the world, not the chars, only the idea for this very piece of...well, you could call it literature, maybe it is only writing. Enjoy.

Warning: Mild slash, sadness, turmoils of the souls and no happy end. There. You have been warned.

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Grey clouds baled up at the horizon, building towers, fortresses, big heads, faces or strange creatures out of fairytales or nightmares.

As Legolas watched them, a gush of wind hit his face, spraying him gently with salted water, drops of the endless sea mingling woth the drops of endless misery on his face.

A mournful cry of a seagull above him made him close his eyes.

"Behold the wretchedness of those who want more than they have and loose it all trying to take it", he whispered to himself as he gripped the rail in front of him.

He had not wanted ot to end like this. But it had been his own foolishness that had destroyed what had been granted to him in his futile attempt to get more than was his to take.

A wave hit the prow under him and showered him in fine, salty droplets. As the water hit him, he let his grief wash around him as he remembered.

Memories of his failure, and they would haunt him as long as he lived.

Years and years had he and Gimli roamed the lands after the war, keeping their promises to the other at first, and then, for the next few years, just to enjoy each other's company.

Gimli had been with him to his forefather's ancient forests, looking at trees so mighty and old that mountains could have been young by comparision, and he had enjoyed Gimli's round-eyed face as they had walked where none other than elf's feet had walked in countless ages.

He had been with Gimli in caves so deep that the earth itself above him seemed to groan under it's own weight. But there, in the utter blackness, Gimli had lit a torch and Legolas had stood speechless and breathless with awe as around him the cave was set on fire. And breathless even more, he realised, at how the light had reflected in Gimli's eyes.

Thousands of glittering jewels, crusting the walls and reflecting the torchlight in a million facettes, had almost blinded him, and he had still been speechless as he they had long left the cave. Gimli had pressed a small stone in his hand and told him to open it whenever he felt like it, but Legolas had never done so. Never had he wanted to destroy a thing that had come from his hand.

He still had the small, egg-shaped stone, and he took it our of his pouch to look at it again. How many times had he looked at it now, remembering that his hands had touched it?

Tears welled up freshly as he closed his fingers around the last thing that was left for him of his friend.

And then they had gone seperate ways again, and for a few decades Legolas had been with his own folk again, but never had he been able to forget his comrade of old. And then, one day, he had decided to see him again, to finally take the last step on that way and put his heart at rest. He should not have done that, he knew. Now, after all was lost, he knew.

_He had reached the caves after a walk of several weeks, happy anticipation glowng inside him every time he thought of the fact that he would be seeing his friend again soon. Now, as he plead entrance into the caves that housed the dwarvish clan of Gimli's blood, he felt he grew a little nervous. So many years had passed. Would Gimli still be his friend after so long a time?_

_Anxiously he waited as the guard announced his presence. But it was not much later that he heard a commotion inside, and forth from the darkness of the mouth of the cave came Gimli, running up to him and crying his name in joy. _

_In his happiness to see his old friend again, Legolas dropped to his knees and embraced his friend, and the dwarf slapped his back so heftily that it made him almost cough. _

"_Friend!" Oh, how that word warmed Legolas's soul! "This day is a happy one. I welcome you, please, come into my house and be my guest."_

_And Legolas let himself be led by Gimli, who was holding onto his sleeve, into the cave and through a maze of halls, corridors and crossroads until they reached a forged, carved door which Gimli opened with a flourish._

"_Come in, my friend, and may my house be yours. What has life done to you these last three decades?"_

_It was a strange way to put it, but Legolas just grinned, happy to be at his friends side again._

"_Not much, old friend. I have spent the last years with my people, singing the nights away."_

"_Har. Until you felt you needed some serious conversation again, as well as some down-to-earth food and beer. Hiefa! We have a guest!"_

_And, to Legolas utter confusion and pain, from another room emerged a woman. Short as Gimli was, she was not as broad as he, but stout as well, and her blonde hair was curled into two buns above her ears. She gave him a little nervous grin and vanished into yet another room, and Legolas remembered Gimli telling him once that dwarvish women never went outside the caves. She had never before seen an elf._

"_I see that life has done a few more things to you, my friend", Legolas said with more cheerfulness than he felt. Gimli gave him a grin. "You might say that. Come, friend, sit down, and have some real beer! You look like you need it."_

_And Legolas sat down, or better, crouched down at his friend's table, watched as his wife brought them beer and meat and bread and ate and drank with his friends, almost forgetting the sting he had felt when realizing that Gimli had a woman._

_But it got worse. As they talked, the door opened again and in came a child, a girl of maybe ten, but Legolas was not sure of this, being unaccustomed to dwarfs other than warriors. The girl in turn carried a baby that was hardly a year, who looked at him owl-eyed and drooling. _

_The girl exchanged a few words with Gimli in the mountainfolk's strange and throaty language and Gimli took the baby from her, settling him on his lap and grinning at Legolas._

"_Friend, meet my youngest, my first son, at that. Gril, this is Legolas, but don't let those ears decieve you. He's a good lad, for one with legs as long as that." He then laughed heartily, and Legolas laughed with him, although inside him he felt his heart sink. He tried to ingore this feeling while they chatted the evening away, but something inside Legolas had grown cold wehn he had seen Gimli cuddle his infant son. He had never planned to, but somehow, suddenly it was there, and watching his friend admist his family, he knew it to be the only thing that was left to him now. _

_So, after some hours of sharing memories, something that pleased Gimli but hurt Legolas the more, he asked his friend to take a walk under the trees with him. Sensing that something was on his friend's mind, Gimli agreed, took his hood and cape and Legolas followed him outside._

_  
Here, among the trees, he felt he could breathe more easily, and brought his thoughts into some kind of order. What was left now was not much, anyway, so he could as well might get it over with. But something made him hold back his words as he walked side by side with his friends under the pines and birches that night._

_They walked in silence for a while until Gimli suddenly cleared his throat and stopped. Legolas looked down at his friend and he up at him, both watching the other in silence._

"_Legolas...", Gimli began, and the elf felt his heart beat go faster. Was this eventually what he had not dared to hope for? He all but held his breath as he looked at Gimli with a slightly tilted head._

"_Legolas, friend, I sense there is something on your mind. Something is bothering you.What is it?" Gimli shoved back his hood to better look at his friend, and Legolas slowly went down on his knees. _

_He swallowed and thought of a way to tell, but there was no other than the plain truth._

"_Gimli. I will be leaving. I will go with the others of my folk and leave middle-earth."_

_His heart, heavy as a stone for hours now, suddenly grew a little lighter as he saw sudden tears shimmer in the eyes of his friend._

"_You leave?" Gimli shook his head. "Well, I must admit that I have already thought you gone. Has it not been said that the time of elves is over? I suppose it is your fate. I admit that, although I accept this, it makes me sad. I will miss you, my friend."_

_And that very moment Legolas made the one and most bitter mistake he had ever done in his life. He leaned forward to touch his friend's cheek with his hand, and as Gimli opened his mouth in surprise, he leaned forward to kiss him. He felt warm and dry lips on his, felt the soft scratching of his beard caress his own lips and cheeks and tasted a faint remnant of beer. _

_But as his heart started beating frantically, Gimli got his wits back and gave him a push, so violently, in fact, that Legolas landed on his back. And as he, hurt and confused, scrambled onto his knees again he saw his friend wipe his mouth with the back of his hand with such disgust on his face he knew he had destroyed everything he had. _

_He wanted to amend, to restore, to somehow save what he could, and held out his hand to him. But Gimli drew back his upper lip and took a step back, breaking Legolas heart and soul with his look, grinding them to dust and ashes with his words. "Do not touch me again, elf. I will forget this, but if you touch me again you will destroy what little there is left of our friendship."_

_Both stared at the other for a few seconds, and then Legolas got up, feeling leaden and cold. _

"_Farewell, Gimli. I wish you joy and happiness." And then he turned, he could not bear the look of his friend any more, the warm friendship in those eyes replaced by cold and mute disgust and hostility. And it was all his own fault. His alone._

The rigging creaked above him, and Legolas, jerked out of the trance of his memories, found himself still staring at the small, egg-shaped stone. Blinking his tears away, he looked around and found a big, iron hook on which a hawser was slung. He walked there, clutching the stone, and still hesitated with his hand raised. But what good would come out of it? So he brought down his hand with a wrench, the stone hit the iron and broke cleanly in two, one half dropping down at his feet.

And Legolas stared at the other one. A geode, a stone with a crust of amethyst inside, glittering in the light that emanated from the lamps around him. A geode, a tiny copy of the breathtakingly beautiful cave they had stood in.

Slowly, Legolas bend down and picked up the other half. And his vision blurred again as he stared at it, and he was still staring at it as the sun came up again.

"Land!"

Legolas looked up at that to see a gentle curving coastline caressing the horizon.

The journey's end. The place where all things would heal.

His journey had ended. But there was no healing for him.


End file.
